1. I think all coming-of-age stories in New Jersey require diners. Were one to listen to a formica tabletop talk, stories of friendship and love, growing and shrinking, would be burned into the swirls of each table.
2. Between the hours of 1 a.m. and 7 a.m. on Tuesday morning, my body suffered an invasion while I slept. Bacteria planted flags on my throat and ears, claiming this territory as theirs while my body feebly waved a white flag in quick surrender.
3. A line of bras drying in my shower is somehow made magical by a stream of light from the single window in the bathroom.
4. I am far more skilled at running away from people that have proven to be consistent than staying and trusting them.
5. There are still days when I wake up and want to curse D for everything that happened with him and with me in consequence.
6. I can’t decide if honesty is better or worse. In all aspects.
7. Being depressed and being sick simultaneously somehow makes it physically impossible for me to get anything done.
8. If 80% of success is just showing up, why do I feel like I’m so behind on work, school, life, everything?
9. There’s a certain sense of restlessness that has taken over, between phlegm-induced coughs and catnaps with one or more cats.
10. Why was 90210 and Privileged last night both repeats?
11. I wonder when I’ll be able to think about things beyond just getting through the day.
12. Sometimes, waking up to want to go back to sleep again is just exhausting.
13. Though I know I should go to class tomorrow (as I’ve already missed two), part of me wants to use my infected body as an excuse to not go. Further made unappealing by the fact that class has been foregone for a half hour meeting with the professor. Two hours each way for a half hour. Awesome.
14. Why is a medium shirt too big but a small shirt too small? I blame my boobs.
15. I keep forgetting to take my birth control pills. Part of me wonders if I should even bother, before thinking if I stop taking them, it means I’m giving up on the idea of ever having some semblance of a relationship again. So I take them and think you keep hope where you can. Even if it’s seemingly purposeless.
16. Currently, I feel like a walking medicine cabinet. Two prozac pills in the morning, plus an allergy pill. One Zithromax in the afternoon, along with a birth control pill. Periodic Aleve tablets throughout the day to combat the war in my head that typically runs anywhere from two to five days a week.
17. At the rate I’ve been reading books (one a day), I’m scared there aren’t enough interesting books in the world for me to be able to lose myself in.
18. Nordstrom makes the best sweaters. I have the same one in six colors. Why didn’t I love Nordstrom this much when I actually worked there and had an employee discount?
19. Even though my internship is now officially over, I still can’t seem to put my thoughts together in a coherent structure to finish the course and take that off my plate. The worse part of it is knowing how much the internship inspired me; in terms of work, my thesis, and just potential career goals.
20. Is having no direction the best direction of them all?
I think that having no direction means you have the most options. Unfortunately for me, I can’t deal with no boundaries. I love the army because they tell me almost down to the letter what needs to be done. I need boundaries, I need direction, a linear path! If you can deal with having everything open to you, then more power to you!
You could always get one of those pill boxes. When I used to take more than one pill, I would fill it at the beginning of the week and take it with me so I wouldn’t forget stuff.
I don’t really know you, but you sound so resilient and strong, that with time, I know you will make it through this. Even if you do run out of books.
Re: #20
Well I find that sometimes you gotta let go and just see where God (or the Universe, or Life, or whatever you want to call it) leads you. You might be surprised.
Having no direction the best of them all?
I don’t know. For a time, perhaps.
As in, don’t choose a direction, till you know which way you REALLY want to go.
HOW do you manage to read one book a day?!?! I’m lucky if I can read for 5 minutes a day.
/
one book a day? i am in awe. i thought i was doing well with one or two a month these days, haha.
and i think no direction is just as good as a direction because eventually you do end up on one.
How was working at Nordstrom? Because I’m thinking of applying there part time to supplement my income. Which is currently low.
Number ten? I’m pretty sure it was the network’s off-week. I think all of their shows were repeats/re-caps. Sadly.
One book a day is impressive.
#10- I don’t even get to watch Privelaged anymore. Our cable provider got rid of the CW!
#14- I have the same problem. Also with jeans. And a big butt to blame in that case.
#20- So it seems. Yet, I hate not knowing where I’m headed.
a wide variety of books i recommend:
wonderland- joyce carol oates
the devil’s highway- luis urrea
travels- michael crichton
the birth of venus- sarah dunant
veronika decides to die- paulo cuelho
the year of magical thinking- joan didion
The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life – laurie notaro
I think I agree with no direction being the best way to go. The only thing? You need to be at peace with the fact that there is no direction, no set goal. Because otherwise, you end up searching and wanting a direction so badly that it turns out pretty sucky.
I also keep forgetting to take my birth control pills. Then again, I’m not having sex, so what is there to remind me?