The advantage of working so much that there’s no time to think is just that; there’s no time to think.
I haven’t been able to question what steps I want to take post-degree. I haven’t been able to question what lays in store for GDB and I, who has made it very clear that he intends on being a part of my life. I haven’t been able to seriously contemplate my sister’s announcement that our dad asked what she thought of him marrying his girlfriend.
By the time I get home from work each day, I’m lucky if I can stay awake past ten. I refuse to be tied down to a computer when I work around computers all day; instead, I seek refuge in books and a bedside reading lamp. It’s low-technology at its best, and about as much stimulation as I can take.
I’m beginning to see more of me though; the humor is coming back. The ease of laughter doesn’t seem so forced anymore. I’m not sure where the end of the tunnel is, but it’s not lost in despair and hopelessness anymore. For the first time in a long time, I’m feeling okay again. That I can be who I want to be and that things might begin to fall in place. I’ve learned life never goes according to plan – perhaps that’s why it’s so easy for me to let these big decisions roll off my back again. Because what’s going to happen is going to happen, whether I want them to or not. I can try my best to work it out in my favor, but ultimately, I need to believe this all happens for a reason.
And in the meantime? I rather like that I can laugh at work when a coworker does something silly. That GDB and I can flirt again without him being so worried about my mental health. That I am beginning to have a grasp on my life, rather than following it like a dog dragged on a leash. Is it the prozac or the new work schedule? I don’t honestly know. But…I’m feeling better than I have in a long time.
(In other news, I’ve been published at BlogNosh. You may have seen it before – check it out!)
I am so glad that things are looking up for you.
And I read your piece over at BlogNosh, and it made remember why I came here in the first place
I’m very happy to hear that. (And yay to flirting!)
It is funny how much it can help to simply be genuinely distracted!
Congrats on BlogNosh!!
These are both EXCELLENT pieces of news.
I’m truly happy that you are having fun with life and have a busy busy work schedule!
The humor is coming back! That’s always good. Maybe the meds are finally evening you out?
It just takes a little faith that time will heal. As being depression free for over five years now, I have finally learned that the drugs won’t do it all, but sometimes neither can the body itself.
I saw earlier today your post at BlogNosh. Congrats! And good for you for getting back the old DS bits you felt you lost. It’s great to rediscover, isn’t it?
I like your BlogNash post. As some one who can hear (I’ve been told I have a listening problem, though), I’m interested in seeing (hearing?) things from a different perspective.
Wow, the BlogNosh post is great!
I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better.
*hugs*
I was thinking about you yesterday — I was sitting outside after work, taking my usual post-work time to myself, and writing about my experience with depression and how far I feel I have come since those horribly dark days. I just want you to know that it passes. Sometimes it takes a lot of time, sometimes it won’t take much time at all. I struggled for almost 6 full years with it. I am only now going off my antidepressants and I have to say, I finally feel free of it all. I just wanted you to know that you can get to the other side.