strange musings of a distracted spunk

The youngest sexual fantasy I remember having is being dressed as Jasmine, but in the red outfit, and seducing men to get myself out of ugly situations, such as kidnappings or attempted rapes. I imagined myself witty, clever, and cunning; all things that would capably render them useless as putty in my hands. I can’t tell you why this was my youngest sexual fantasy as I don’t think the Disney company set out to give young girls new ideas on redefining the sexual norm.

I always thought I’d be sly, my hips rolling in red pants that showed off every curve I had (this of course assumed I had curves and not the stick straight boyish body I had up until I hit puberty right before college.) I never had pretensions of just who those men would be; they tend to be of the faceless sort, but as long as they had nice bodies, it didn’t matter. Steve, from Full House, who voiced Aladdin would do quite nicely, but there was something about the slightly nerdy and thin yet muscular look to Aladdin that I loved. Prince Eric was always a bit too muscular for me, but I did love his blue eyes. Slightly ironic, seeing as you know, the boy I loved for the last year is all muscle and no fat. (Jerk.) I even imagined that I’d have my own Rajah and Abu to hang out with, a carpet to lay on when I grew tired of my current scene and wanted to float elsewhere. I would have everything I needed, and my sexuality would be just one of my many charms.

I’ve never been overtly sexual, or perhaps I have, but I can’t recall ever thinking about being sexual until I saw Jasmine seducing Jafar. (I still can’t believe she kissed him!) When I watched Aladdin today, I groaned when she did. I guess we block out the parts of our minds that disturb us most. Also, I never actually pictured myself having to kiss the bad guys. I’d just trip them up with how cleverly spectacular I was.

I used to look at Victoria’s Secret catalogues and imagine myself as having one of those bodies, with large, luscious breasts and flat abs and while I knew the perfect tan was just not in the cards for me because I’m pale as sin, I thought I could decently rock a teddy or a negligee. Even the sound of the word negligee rolling off my tongue still evokes a bit of that twelve year old me who knew that one day, she would be a sex goddess. Even then, it was clear that one could use one’s femininity to get whatever one wanted from a man.

I don’t exactly know why sex became such an important factor to me; I don’t think I really truly understood what it meant until I was older, in my teens, when I held my first penis and was told, “Just pull on it, and tug it back and forth. If you keep your hand wrapped around it tight, it’ll feel really good.” So I did. I tugged. And I pulled. And at the end of it, there was a little surprise which I knew about from health class, but you never really see it in the movies. I became an expert semen-cleaner then; napkins quickly swiping at their stomach, their balls, my stomach, my breasts, wherever it happened to land really. And from that moment on, I knew that the penis was my friend.

I’ve lured boys in with my subtle maneuvers, my simple flirtations, and sometimes, my flat-out honesty. I’m sure I’ve said on at least one occasion, “Want to touch my boobs?” It helps that by now, I do have those large, luscious breasts that one does see in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Granted, my bras range in sizes because my breasts have more mood swings than I do. I’m not ashamed to say that when I’m annoyed with something or bored, I have pulled out the bombs as a weapon to distract the male of the moment and lure them into bed. I have a 99.9% success rate.

But I’ve never had that chance to so completely and utterly seduce someone, to play the wily female of the night. I want to put it on as a costume, slip my skin into her languorous whispers in clandestine coat rooms or in a stately ballroom, wearing clothes unfamiliar to my body with the intent to have the man I want to control submit completely. (This makes me sound like I want to be a dominatrix, doesn’t it?) I want to do something so out of the norm for me, that the guy can barely speak, and he’s completely overturned by lust. I want to know that in a time where I can’t predict anything more than what I’m doing in the next minute, there is a scene I can portray that will play out much more erotically than it ever would in a Disney movie, where kisses last no more than a few seconds.

And maybe it will even involve a red outfit.