Bitchin’ about being a bitch.
January 25, 2008
Is it strange that I love the fact that this title’s acronym is babab? That’s like getting a Scantron and filling out the letters of my town and realizing every other letter was a and the rest were all two letters apart, making it almost entirely consistent across the board. It was pure beauty. Anyhow.
I’ve been called a bitch once, in my entire twenty three years thus far. I would say that’s a pretty remarkable record, all things considering.
It was in England, a rainy night in Stratford-on-Avon. Lights fizzing onto the pavement, I felt the rain pattering down by my shoes. I wasn’t cold, nor was I warm – I was just wet, and that was fine by me. We had just spent the last three hours sitting on red velvet seats in the Royal Shakespeare Theatre, Romeo and Juliet carrying on their love affair onstage, and I was left to wander off into daydreams because it was too far away for me to hear, let alone decipher spoken Shakespearean English.
As we walked towards the bus, excited murmurings about the show, about how hot Romeo was, how beautiful and tragic Juliet was, one girl cursed. She left her umbrella in the theater. I pulled my hood over my head and said, “Here. Have mine.”
“I don’t want your umbrella, bitch.” Without the slightest hint of irony or joking in her tone, she marched off to the bus, leaving me completely befuddled. It only occurred to me tonight, writing this post, that my retraction into myself, shells out with spikes on for most of the remainder of my trip in England occurred after my psyche was so shaken up by this one girl.
I forgot who I was, felt like I was the person she labeled me as, and in my own way made myself an outcast. I felt trapped in the castle we stayed in, trapped in this box that had been so squarely placed on me with a big sign proclaiming me superb bitch. It didn’t occur to me until we were celebrating our last night in the castle, before leaving for London, that it wasn’t anything I had done. I had offered her a damn umbrella! I spent so much of that trip miserable that I resolved to myself to make the rest of it a trip I would never forget.
Almost four years later, my roommate in England still laughs about the first night in London, when I disappeared with four guys I met randomly at the Tower of London. She spent much of the night worrying about how she would break the news to my parents that they lost me in London. What she didn’t realize at the time was that I was out having a great time, exploring the city, striking out on my own, asserting my independence and straying from the crowd. I figured out that people could label me, but I was still me, no matter what. I was in charge of my own happiness – and I don’t regret the remainder of that trip.
I remember telling a new lover that I had been called a bitch once in my entire life, and he offered to go out and beat said girl up because he couldn’t possibly see how I might be a bitch. I laughed at him, thinking it was endearingly cute. But it occurred to me then that sometimes? I really can be a bitch. It’s not that I talk about people behind their backs, or carry on an attitude. It’s just that if I’m not interested, I walk away.
Once, during a Thanksgiving at home several years back, Avocado and I met some friends for appetizers at BeeApple’s. We bumped into a girl from high school who got excited about seeing us and wanted to tell us a story. About a minute in, I realized this story had nothing to do with me, nor was it something I was interested in. So I just walked away and went back to my friends, leaving Avocado alone.
I didn’t do it because I wanted to be a bitch about it. I did it because I was having more fun talking to my friends than I was sitting and listening to her talk about people I didn’t know nor would I ever know. It’s like when I first meet new people – sometimes I’m warm and friendly, and other times, I’m more cold and standoffish, until I figure out what role this new person might play in my life. It’s not meant to be bitchy - it’s just usually self-preservation, and I often feel overwhelmed with how many people I already do have in my life.
Similarly, I know that I often tend to do what I want, when I want. That’s not always something that jibes with other people, but I think it’s understood that in those situations, it’s my independence and my need for space. Few people understand just how much space I crave, which can be difficult. But it’s not something I would ever feel sorry for - because it’s just who I am. It took me a while to realize that the labeling of me as a bitch was just a misclassification - while I may be assertive and independent, it’s never in the step on other people kinda thing.
In a strange way, I almost want to thank the girl who called me a bitch in England for reminding me that the only person who can truly hurt me is myself. Sure, I may place my heart in other people’s hands, erring on the side of caution and abandoning hope. Sure, I may sometimes sink into my own mind, feeling melancholy and lonely, unsure of what the future may yield and wishing that I could somehow grab it by the reins and tell me what to expect. Sure, the one person who has ever called me a bitch turned out not to be the most credible source herself – instead she became my facebook stalker and has left me with a great deal of amusing stories that are slightly concerning. But at the end of the line, it just made me realize that I didn’t have to lose myself to find myself when someone placed a label on me.
Entry Filed under: Avocado, Body language, Compelling randomness, Soapbox? Soapbox.. .
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1.
Will | January 25, 2008 at 12:12 am
careful though. most of the time when I hear people say something to the effect of, “I say what I think, I do what I want, that’s just how I am!” what I hear is, “I think I’m too important to imagine myself in someone else’s shoes.” from what I’ve read, that isn’t you.
I know you didn’t mean the last part in the Jerry Springer, “Ah do what Ah wawnt!! kinda way. but still. we sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that something we do to retreat, is actually something we choose to do in action.
or maybe I’m just being a bitch… ;o)
2.
nicoleantoinette | January 25, 2008 at 12:20 am
Although I don’t like people who are bitchy all the time, every woman needs to be able to pull on her inner Bitch when necessary. I really, really have no trouble with this.
3.
Princess Pointful | January 25, 2008 at 12:33 am
That story suddenly makes a hell of a lot more sense when I realize it was the soon-to-be-stalker (I guess she had stalker like ambivalence about you… they do tend to be the praise or completely debase type).
I have mixed feelings about the word bitch. Sometimes I think it is a little empowering when used by oneself, sometimes I think there is no way the word can be saved from its sexist undertones.
But, you, my dear? Do not fit into my definition of bitch. I think bitches are malicious, and you are not.
4.
qu33nbee | January 25, 2008 at 1:03 am
I’ve been called a bitch many times. And all by people who love me. (Some of the time, they meant it, and some of the time they meant it in a sort of endearing, you’re a bad-ass kind of way)
I’m glad you were able to see past her mere words, and how that really *isn’t* you.
I also think it’s telling about her true feelings about you. I think she’s very threatened by you. And I’ve heard that sometimes when us girls hate another girl, it’s because we see a part of ourselves in them, and that threatens us, makes us feel like she’s taking our territory.
You go be who you are. If I could name all of the things I like about you, it’s your uniqueness, despite what may or may not be trying to get you down, you’re always true to yourself.
5.
La | January 25, 2008 at 6:06 am
I don’t think I’ve ever been called a bitch, at least not that I know of, but I think that’s because I’m afraid of everyone and avoid confrontation like the plague. Oh well.
6.
Miriam D | January 25, 2008 at 8:15 am
Hahaha. Sorry, your story made me laugh. That girl that called you a bitch was also being a bitch by calling you a bitch for offering her an umbrella. Wow I just used the word bitch three times in one sentence. Anyway, the irony of all that made me laugh.
I think my lovely brother may have called me a bitch on one occasion. Whatever, he was being a jackass.
And I don’t think you are a bitch… at least you don’t seem like one from reading your posts!
7.
Deutlich | January 25, 2008 at 8:21 am
That thing with the walking away?
I do it.
A lot.
I have no patience..
8.
Ashley | January 25, 2008 at 8:33 am
Ohhhhh so THAT is the bitch whos your facebook stalker. HAHAHA. ahem. Sorry. I just had to laugh at her. I still want to know what she said to my response. Bitch.
Now i’m calling people bitches. That’s not very ice of me
I completely get what you’re saying though, I’ve been called a bitch a lot and that i’m difficult to talk to (i’m sorry but if you are not a hot attractive boy i’m not goign to talk to you in earnest). But I don’t think that I’m a bitch and a lot of people say i’m too nice to be one. I don’t get it. I guess everyone has to have their inner bitch.
9.
Nilsa S. | January 25, 2008 at 8:35 am
This is a great end-of-week post! Gets me fired up for the weekend … cuz I own my own kind of bitchiness, too!
10.
violet | January 25, 2008 at 9:11 am
hahah, tolerating situations like that last one are so hard though… i usually sit it out and feel really uncomfortable. its all about how you do it and who the people are, i suppose. but you deffffinitely do NOT seem like a bitch. i mean, offering your umbrella? that was ridiculously nice.
11.
Clink | January 25, 2008 at 10:10 am
“The only person who can truly hurt me is myself.”
I needed that line today. Thank you.
12.
Jess | January 25, 2008 at 12:25 pm
What an unexpectedly aggressive reaction to a sweet offer. I would have retreated after that, too.
I think the thing about the word bitch is that people hardly ever call you that to your face, not if you really are one. It’s only in random circumstances like that umbrella thing where someone uses the word to describe you but it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Otherwise people usually call each others bitches to third parties. It’s a shame.
13.
ana | January 25, 2008 at 1:50 pm
And for this post I award you the first tWinkle I earned today. Being a bitch is okay, as long as you know your bitchiness is not in a pushover hurt others kind of way.
14.
mcgee | January 25, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Hiiii. I miss you.
Also, I still can’t believe all of that facebook drama with this chick. Craziness.
15.
damsel in digress | January 25, 2008 at 2:46 pm
oh the word “bitch” - so fun to use but so hurtful when it’s hurled directly our way, no matter how insignificant the person.
as women, owning our bitchiness is a fantastic concept. but for some reason, i just remembered the mean girls scene where tina fey tells the girls that it’s no wonder guys call them whores when they go around calling each other whores so loosely (ha! a pun!). being fierce and proud and not putting up with bs is awesome. it’s what it means to be an empowered woman. so all the positive connotations of what we mean by “being a bitch” can be good. but being called a bitch by another person when it’s meant as an insult? it feels pretty damn belittle-ing.
i’m just so glad that you are you - that you’re strong and you’re introspective and aware and you could take this girl (who ps - is the facebook stalker?? really??) and her ridiculous comment and use it to learn an important lesson and also? write a hell of an entertaining post =)
16.
Yoda | January 25, 2008 at 8:55 pm
I’m a little buzzed now, so can’t really read. This Avocado? Is a person right? You didn’t really go out with this fruit? lol.
And no mention of epic boobs in this post? haha!