strange musings of a distracted spunk

This is going to be a long one folks.

Princess Extraordinaire: When and why did you start your blog?

I’ve been a writer, for as long as I can remember. My aunt and uncle have a “book” I wrote about a sleepover at their house when I was six or seven. My writing has taken on various tacks throughout the years, but Ashley introduced me to the blog world in September. I had little going on out here, as I had just moved, and I had been meaning to get back into writing. Through Ashley, I found Clink and read through her entire back story. I was a bit spellbound, and thought, “I think a lot. Maybe it’d be nice to get it out on virtual paper?” I’ve never been a diarist, but I don’t think of my blog as a diary. More of a place to gather together my various thoughts and create a compendium of the interactions and existence that I seem to be doing at the moment. It’s evolved into so much more, and I’m continuously surprised to see how many people read me. Thanks all.

Alexis: Ok, if you could ride a camel through the Sahara or dog sled through the icy wilderness, which would you choose? Also, what’s your favourite thing about being you?

Actually, I’ve been on a camel once. It’s something I will never do again, haha! Something about the way a camel moves and how it’s to and fro, never again. If there are lots of sweaters, jackets, and blankets, I think it would be absolutely awesome to dog sled through the icy wilderness. Just keep the grizzlies away.

As for my favorite thing about me, I think it’s my ability to go with the flow. I think I’ve become so used to change in my life, I almost expect it. At the same time, it’s a curse, because when something good happens, I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think my sense of humor has been greatly conditioned by my fluidity and spontaneity - I think it’s what appeals to other people about me. There are times where I am caught off-guard, but I don’t require a tremendous amount of time to recalibrate and readjust. It’s what makes me so strong, I think. And I don’t think I would be where I am right now if I weren’t able to just take heed of where I am and go.

Lisa: If you could be anyone else for a day, who would you be and why?

This is going to sound super strange, but I think I’d like to be GDB. To have a better insight into his mind, to understand more of who he is, how his past life experiences have shaped him, and also to get a feel for where he’s at right now. The gray area is a strange place, and I know he has a lot of stress staring him down. I think also - if nothing else, it would improve our relationship if I could understand where he was coming from. There’s a Freaky Friday reinvented concept for you.

Qu33nbee: If you could own any exotic (i.e. no cat or dog that 90% of the population owns) animal, what would it be?

I don’t think I would. I’d feel genuinely bad about taking that animal outside of its native environment to call it mine. However, I have always loved dolphins - there’s something very freeing and playful about them, and I have always identified with them greatly. I wouldn’t object to having a dolphin friend to play with when I feel sad or lonely. This assumes, of course, that I live on a tropical island where the weather is always warm enough to go swimming in the ocean.

Eric left me about 21 questions. I’m picking four, because I thought they were really interesting.

What qualities do you seek in a friend, vs the qualities your friends actually possess?

I demand trustworthiness, a sense of humor, an appreciation for spontaneity, and honesty from my friends. Avocado and I have managed to keep our friendship for so long mainly because we made an agreement in high school that when something bothered us, we would tell one another immediately, rather than letting it build up and being passive aggressive - a rarity for female high school friendships. We have definitely had our moments and many fights, but we always pull through, mainly because we’re able to be so open and honest with each other, sometimes, when we’re not willing to be open and honest with ourselves.

One thing my friends do all understand is that when I am upset or angry, I need time to think and mull over what has just happened. Being aware of who I am, understanding my often contradictory nature, and being able to just go with the flow is what I love about my friends, among their many spectacular qualities. Also, the fact that my friends will call me out on stupid or juvenile behavior that I may engage in is incredibly important to me. They’re not afraid to tell me when I’m being stupid, and I may get defensive, but I’ll realize pretty quickly where they are right and I am wrong. None of my best friends are perfect - but that’s what I love about them. They all fill a different niche.

Tell us all your thoughts on God, and if you would really like to meet [Her]. If so, or not, why?

I believe there’s something out there, I just don’t know what. I don’t think there is just one individual who is controlling my life or who is choosing in advance the options I may choose to take throughout the course of my life. I do think there is karma, and fate, and the sense of being destined to do something, but I think it is rare to find that. I’m reading The Alchemist right now, and so much of what the book says speaks to me. I’m curious to see how the book ends.

Ultimately, we are who we want to be. Different things may lead us to where we are. If there indeed was a god, I’d be very curious to meet with her/him. Simply because I think it’d be fascinating to glean some insight into how he/she operates and what it is exactly she/he has control over. But I am not the sort of girl who prays nightly to a god - I do pray to whatever may be out there when I’m feeling particularly worried or unsure about something that things will work out, because it’s sometimes easier to believe in something, as insubstantial as it may be, than yourself.

Are you “epic”?

Hah. You know, I was having this discussion with GDB last week. We got into a whole long debate about the meaning of life and our various perspectives on religion and philosophy and I was reminded of why I do enjoy his company so much. I think, to the people who know me and live with me and experience me, I am epic to a degree. I am somewhat of an explosive personality, unlike any most people have met. People are drawn to me - I don’t say this to be conceited, but just because it’s true. As a result, I am somewhat hard to forget. Most often, I’ve heard, “I’ve never met anyone like you.” It bugs me to be pigeon-holed into a square that I don’t remotely fit in - GDB tried doing that to me initially and he soon learned that’s where he is very wrong. I think I am epic in regards to my friends and family, but I think once 150 years pass, unless I pull a Louis Pasteur, I won’t be epic then. Just the realities of life.

Damsel in Digress: if you had to pick a different celebrity/anyone famous to answer a list of characteristics (both physical and behaviorial), who would they be?

You get a chance to get back to me on this one, since I’m not sure either of us know what you’re saying here. I think though, if I could talk to any celebrity honestly and openly? It’d be Natalie Portman or Drew Barrymore. I feel they both have so much to say and so much to share, and I think I’d get along with them quite well.

Ashley: Why are redheads so damn fabulous?

Because everyone is used to blondes or brunettes. Also, we’re spitfirey. Or so the stereotype goes. I think it’s just a given - redheads turn heads, especially when they’re cute and pretty like us. We’re automatically ascribed an awesome personality as redheads (which is true in our case), but I think that’s a large part of the appeal. I love being a redhead.

Michelle: if you could travel back in time to any year where would you go, what would you do and why?

I’m not sure I would. I think the past is meant to be the past. If anything, I’d be curious to meet my grandfather in his early twenties. We’re so often called twins, just 50 years apart, I’d love to know what he was like before he gave up on ever making a name for himself to support his family. We’ve had fights where I take the position he used to take when he was younger, and my grandmother tells me it’s like watching her fights with him, but with me in his place and him in her place. It’d be interesting to see if we would get along when we were the same age and if we had the same ideologies and philosophies, or if we are inherently different, as much as we may have in common.

But I don’t think I’d want to go back, simply because I think we’re meant to only go forward and experience what’s meant for us. If it happens to be going back, then that’s one thing, but as I haven’t heard anything about time traveling recently, I think going forward is the most likely option.

Libby: what’s one thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I’m not sure that I would. I think I’m still evolving. I think I’m still learning and that everything happens for a reason. I got to be who I am and where I am based on my actions and past experiences. The one thing that I wanted to change, to become less mechanic, has happened. I would have never experienced anything of the intensity that I did with GDB had I not consciously made the decision to let myself experience more emotion months before I met him. I think it’s all a growing process.

This last month, especially, has been one heck of a trip. There’s a lot of wigglin’ going on right now. My flight finally left at 9:28 PM last night, three and a half hours after scheduled and two minutes before the time frame I predicted ended. We landed at 12:30 AM PST. It took an hour for the luggage to make it to the baggage claim, and I was finally home around 2:00 AM PST. My body is most certainly thrown out of whack with the time change, the traveling, and the little sleep.

I begin my new job tomorrow. This job could quite possibly be the door that everyone speaks of, but I’ve so rarely been able to knock on. Looking back on it, the salary and benefits package is spectacular, especially considering how young I am and inexperienced. I owe my former supervisors and references something big for getting me to this point. I may start looking for a new apartment or consider staying here, should my roommate leave, and make this one bedroom converted a proper one bedroom. There are so many possibilities, it’s a bit overwhelming. I was telling Jack of All Trades the other day that it’s so strange to be where I am, to know that I have the world at my feet, but with none of the original possibilities I wanted. New York was supposed to be my future - it may still be, but in the distance. GDB looked like he would be my future, and again, he may still be, but not currently. Right now, he and I are wiggle-wagglin’ it about, figuring out where we each fit in our new lives and new schedules. In the meantime, I’m moving forward with my life in Berkeley, wondering if it’s false hope to hope that we may be able to work it out again, now that the alien attack is over (for the time being) and he’s resurfacing amidst writing finals and moving into a new apartment in Chicago.

Being home itself was disorienting. I got to see many of the folk I wanted to see, but I didn’t get to see others, some of whom have been among my closest friends since sophomore year in college (the boys and girl I more or less lived with my sophomore year and have stayed close with since then.) I did get to see my city, but I didn’t get to walk around like I wanted because of course, it was the coldest damn day of the year. I was overwhelmed with the lack of interest in my life from my father’s side of the family, who insisted on planning my days, whereas I didn’t get to spend nearly as much time with my mother’s, whom I really wanted to see more. Thankfully, we did have one fantastic dinner involving Roll N’ Roasters - if you’re in Brooklyn or in the city, get a car and take a trip there. I always forget how good it is - it used to be a special treat for my sister and I growing up.

There were many home videos watched, for my sister was in a nostalgic mood. I watched them, and marveled at how many of the actions I performed when I was four, eight, or twelve, I still perform today. Just with more teeth and more meat on my bones. Until I went to college, I was a sack of bones - it’s almost alarming to see how many bones and angles my body was as a child, compared to the curves and not-as-bony my body has evolved into. I still do the funny jumping into the way, or tripping over things, I have the same smile as I did when I was a child, and there were so many random actions, I was surprised that my parents didn’t have me diagnosed with A.D.D. based on just the small things I did in these videos. In short? I was a total ham.

The strangest thing of all is knowing that the next time I return to the East Coast won’t be until July, and that’s for Wing and the lovely Lady of the Review’s wedding. My life is taking a new corner, one that I could have never predicted, having thought I’d be moving back East in May. AmeriCorps is done, as are the food stamps, but it seems that there is so much more out there for me. I feel as though I am more watching my life take place, and I am just going along for the ride, a mere viewer to sit by and think, “Oh wow. Yeah, that’s pretty crazy, huh? I’m glad I’m not her. Oh…but I am.”

I’m caught between wanting to know what happens next and not wanting any change, because it means accepting that what I thought was is in fact not. Thankfully, there is some wiggle room. So, with my new work wardrobe, a pair of smoking black pumps, and not a fucking clue, I step on the ledge of this new direction and hope that the destination reveals itself relatively soon.